Word of the Year: 2024 January 3, 2024

Here we are again

The start of a new year

The ball has dropped

The kisses have been shared

The fireworks have faded

The resolutions begin…maybe

One of my traditions is choosing

Actually receiving

My WORD FOR THE YEAR

This is something I pray about

This is important to me

It provides a guidepost

Boundaries

Direction

For my year

And I want

My Creator to choose my word

Guide my steps

My heart

And my mind

What is my word for 2024?

My word is LIGHT

What does LIGHT mean for me?

It is the call to LIVE LIGHTLY

I have been invited to LIVE LIGHTLY

This means…living

Open-handed

(Very tough for someone who craves control…)

Open-hearted

(Continuing to share my heart in trust…)

And

Open-minded

(Being sincerely curious…)

I have been invited to LIVE LIGHTLY

This means…living

With a light step

Not weighed down physically

Emotionally

Or spiritually

May I only carry

What I am to carry

What has been chosen for me

I have been invited to LIVE LIGHTLY

This means…living

Slowly

With deep breaths

At God’s peace-filled pace

Not my default rushing pace

Present

Fully present

To BE

When my default is

to DO

I accept LIGHT for my 2024 word of the year

This type of living speaks to my heart

And my soul

And my mind

Will I live it perfectly?

Not at all

That does not matter

What matters is that I accept

My Creator’s invitation

To Live Lightly

Seek Jesus’ Light in the World

As it is always present

And

Reflect the Holy Spirit’s Light

Where I live

Work

Play

And

Be

May my LIGHT shine

Not from my Power

But from My Creator’s Power

What is your word for 2024?

© 2024 Brooke F. Sulahian

Hands Open Hands Closed June 7, 2023

Then Jesus said to his disciples, 

“If any of you wants to be my follower,

you must give up your own way,

take up your cross, and follow me. 

If you try to hang on to your life,

you will lose it.

But if you give up your life for my sake,

you will save it.“*

The idea of

Living with my Hands Open,

Giving my life up for Jesus’ sake,

Creates a longing in my heart, mind, and soul…

This kind of living feels and looks

Free

Joyful

Trust-filled

Light

Beautiful

Present

However,

Living with my Hands Closed,

Hanging on to my life

With clenched fists,

Is how I often live out my moments…

Even though I don’t want to

Hands closed, fists clenched

Is my default mode,

My control mode, even though

I’m never in control of anything…

Really

This kind of living feels and looks

Limited

Disappointing

Distrustful

Heavy

Dark

Distracted

Today, I began my day

By physically opening my hands,

Opening my hands wide…

This feels vulnerable,

But we can and should be vulnerable with Jesus.

This feels risky, but also full of possibility.

Walking our moments with Jesus,

with our hands opened wide,

provides ample opportunities

of meaningful possibility.

This kind of living

creates a longing on my heart, mind, and soul…

May we all attempt to live out

Today’s moments,

With our Hands Open…

* Matthew 16:24-25 (NLT)

© 2023 Brooke F. Sulahian

A New Way…Entirely March 7, 2022

As I walked to the cafe today,

my first solo cafe trip of 2022,

it hit me…

I need to view life a new way…entirely.

Why, you ask?

The door to my pre-chronic illness self is closed,

my current state doesn’t support my former activity levels and capacity, and

the way ahead is shrouded…

as it should be…

I can only see the step immediately in front of me.

This makes me wonder if I actually

saw more of my future path

before falling ill.

I don’t think I did,

but it may have felt that way.

Life was predictable,

my body and brain were predictable.

My body and brain are no longer predictable.

That is very hard to admit.

I took a picture of my chai tea latte today…

and shared it with this post.

May it serve as my cairn

for this day when I admitted

this truth to you and myself.

The truth about my body and brain.

May it remind me of my stand for God’s Truth,

my commitment to placing all of my hope

in God’s hands…

eventually.

I want to note here that I am very thankful

for the health I do have.

I can get out of bed on my own,

live independently,

feed myself,

think for myself,

give big hugs (again),

and so much more.

I have a family to love,

a family that loves me,

inspiring work,

dedicated friends,

a relationship with God,

and so much more.

I have so very much for which to be thankful.

I know I have much more than some others.

I know others struggle more than I do,

but I will not let this keep me

from grieving my losses.

Other’s struggles and challenges

can provide perspective,

but they should not discount

our pain,

our losses,

our fears, or

our struggles.

How can I heal and move forward

if I cannot grieve?

The quote below caught my heart this week

as I listened to a new devotional.

This season, this season where

I still feel like a shell of myself,

this season that began in November of 2019,

has led me to currently crave God,

to be filled with Our Creator as never before…

I want to be filled with

Our Sustainer’s

Truth,

Love,

and

Presence

all day long.

I find myself needing to be soaked by God’s Truth

by listening to

Words about God,

and words from God;

spoken and

sung.

I am trying every avenue I can

based on my current brain capacity.

Like a plant with roots that are dry,

I need God to fill me each day

so I know what Truth is

and stay on that path.

I can so easily be

distracted,

confused, and

disheartened

these days.

What I want and need is God’s Truth.

Then I need to fully trust.

Check out this quote (with my added paraphrase)…

“Loss requires us to re-imagine hope.

But before hope, comes acknowledgment.”

We must be willing to look at our future

with multiple possibilities and paths

or face “identity foreclosure”.

We need to grieve the loss of our specific imagined future

that has been changed, altered.

I realized this week that I am actively grieving in

a deep way.

Am I still grieving the loss of my sweet in-laws?

I bet that I am and will be for some time.

However, that grief is not at the surface

of my heart or feelings.

I know where Mekah and Papa are and believe I will see them again.

There is great peace in that.

The loss that is at the surface of each

thought,

action,

reaction,

plan,

and every thwarted plan

every day

is the loss of my dependable

body and brain.

I grieve the loss of my body

on which I could rely

to exercise on schedule,

walk and jog for miles,

generate those cleansing endorphins,

enjoy a daily walk outdoors,

join in a game of family knock-out,

and grow stronger.

I grieve the loss of my brain

on which I could rely

to read books (with my eyes) for pleasure,

work on Hope for Our Sisters

for hours at a time,

process complex ideas at any moment,

easily tune out the noise

from the important conversations,

and live fully on my terms.

Yes, those words sting a bit…

my terms.

I took this body and brain for granted,

my body and brain,

the ones that seem to have left me,

figuratively.

This is my acknowledgment,

the step that comes before re-imaging hope.

My acknowledgement about

my body and brain,

but more importantly,

the fact that I cannot seem to

give all of this to God.

I refuse to fully let go,

I choose to hold on

to who I was before.

Do I fear my future?

Do I fear the answers God has for me

about my body and brain,

my life?

I am not sure,

but I know I am resisting

God’s invitation to give it all,

100%,

to Him in Trust.

This 25-minute time frame,

right now,

during which I can focus and write

without blowing up my brain,

and/or forcing my body back to bed,

this is significant,

this is new,

this is now.

In addition to refusing to give

my every concern and challenge to God,

it is clear that I have also been viewing my future

with great specificity.

I had no idea I was doing this until I heard

the quote above.

I replayed the quote many times,

then chose to write it down.

That was and is God’s message for me.

I can choose to limit my future view,

by holding on to a very specific future,

or I can choose to view it openly,

giving God full control.

Ah, there it is.

Giving God control.

I know God and trust God

in my heart, mind, and soul,

but not fully yet,

not with my physical future,

not with my current and future day-to-day activity.

I act as if my plans are better than God’s,

but I know better than that.

Walking to this cafe

it hit me…

I need to view life a new way…entirely.

What does this all mean?

I intend to discover and share with you

over the next

minutes,

hours,

days, and

years.

This will be part of my

grieving/mourning/lament focus this year.

One thing I do know

is that I cannot assess my days

by my productivity anymore.

I am not productive these days,

and that needs to be OK.

This morning,

and the last two mornings,

I have intentionally handed my hope,

all of it,

even the last strand I was keeping to myself,

to my God,

My Creator,

My Sustainer.

This is very hard to do.

The worst of this season is still fresh.

I know where I don’t want to go,

I don’t want to go backwards in my healing,

but I also know I must

trust my Creator 100%.

I pray I will do this every day.

There will be days when I cannot,

but for today

I am choosing to re-imagine hope,

to view my future with multiple possibilities,

not only the one I can see or imagine.

We’ll have to see what it looks like together,

as I move ahead

craving God’s Truth

and Abundance.

© 2021 Brooke F. Sulahian

Quote from Good Enough by Kate Bowler and Jessica Richie

Perfectionism is a Prison July 21, 2021

Perfectionism is a prison,

a prison out of which I have been trying to break

as long as I can remember

My head knows perfectionism is

unattainable

My soul knows perfectionism makes me

second guess myself

My heart knows perfectionism causes me to

critique, rather than love, my body

Today, June 29, 2021,

I dealt perfectionism a powerful blow,

knocking it, shaking it on its very foundation

I chose to love myself

rather than worship perfectionism

and I won,

my family won,

God won

With the Holy Spirit indwelling my imperfect self,

I can win this battle again tomorrow

In fact, through the amazing Power of Jesus

and keeping Him at my center,

I expect I will win…

again and again

© 2021 Brooke F. Sulahian

Grasping Hope January 20, 2021

GRASPING HOPE

Each day I try to choose hope.

 Some days

 I actually grasp hope

 with both hands

 and hold on tight.

 

This last weekend

 I had my worst migraine attack

 since being diagnosed with

 vestibular migraines,

 PPPD (chronic dizziness), and

 related/unrelated vision issues.

 

 I was in bed all day

 from Friday morning

 until the following Tuesday morning.

 I didn’t fight it.

 I knew that would only make it worse,

 and my time in bed actually 

taught me a lot.

 

 I learned that 

I have become more gentle.

 More gentle with myself.

 More gentle with the expectations I have for each day.

 More gentle when confronted with my limits.

God has been inviting me to be 

gentle with myself 

for the last few years.

Here I am.

 

 I also learned that I am grieving.

 Grieving the body I once had.

 Grieving the body that worked like a clock.

 Grieving the body that would 

workout anytime I wanted to workout

 and rest anytime I wanted to rest. 

 

As I move forward toward healing

 and walk in the pursuit of healing,

 my body may look and operate

more like it once did

 or it won’t.

 I must leave that in God’s hands.

 

 I also learned

 that our compassionate and 

tender-hearted children

 have grown in empathy.

They have learned about 

caring for others

while watching 

my hubby care for me.

 

 Not only did they bring me 

my favorite drink,

 chai tea latte,

 but they added 

cinnamon on the top.

They brought me my favorite 

sweet peanut butter snack,

 added a couple of my “safe”cookies,

 one last chocolate treat,

 and a dairy pill 

just in case anything had dairy.

They remembered

the dairy pill.

 

 It warmed my heart.

 It warmed my soul.

 It made every part of me smile.

 I felt so known.

I felt so loved.

 I give God thanks for

 this beautiful silver lining

 from the chronic health path 

we have all been walking

the last 14 months.

 

Lastly, I learned that I

had chosen hope

each day of that 

long weekend in bed. 

Actually, I was grasping hope

with both hands

 and holding on tight.

 

 Hope. 

Hope is an amazingly powerful word.

 I often say that hope is what 

gets people out of bed every day.

 Hope is what motivates people 

to answer the phone or the door.

 Hope is what gives all of us 

a reason to look into tomorrow

 

Each day I try to choose hope.

 Some days 

I actually grasp hope

 with both hands

 and hold on tight.

© 2021 Brooke F. Sulahian

What is Your Word for 2021? January 13, 2021

What is your word for 2021?

 

 My word for 2020 was the word “New”

 I continue to marvel at just how much New there was last year.

 When I felt like I might drown in Covid-19 

and all of the negative ripples it sent out,

 I would think of my word New

 and be reminded that 

God is in charge and 

nothing that happened last year 

was a surprise to Him.

 The word God has given me for 2021 is the word “Still”.

 Not still as in I’m still here,

 but still as in being Still.

 Other words of course were considered in prayer. I thought maybe I would get the word 

Brave or Courage,

 maybe even the word Gentle.

 God was clear.

My word for 2021 is Still.

 I feel being Still is one of the hardest requests to make of myself.

 I’m a natural activator and achiever.

 I often can’t even think about things without saying them,

and therefore moving my mouth.

 When we are Still, we are aware of our stuff.Or we become aware that we have stuff 

that needs tending.

At times when I am sitting Still,

inside my body is not Still at all.

At times, I find my 

mind, heart, and soul 

rushing and spinning.

 From the outside you can’t see this activity,

 but I can feel it and

 God knows it’s there.

 I feel He wants me to learn 

to manage these storms

by being Still 

in Him,

Through His power.

 During a recent quiet time with God, He showed me Still in pictures.

 I was in a dark cave.

 I was walking around but 

had to have my arms out front

 to protect me if I were to fall.

 It was so frustrating

 stumbling around in the dark,

 having no idea where I was going.

 After a while, I noticed something to the right.

 Far off on a side of the cave 

on the floor was a small area with light.

 The lighting wasn’t bright, but warm.

There was just enough light by which to 

read or write by.

 There was a blanket.

 There was a book, maybe a Bible.

 There was another book and pen, maybe a journal.

 I felt God was inviting me to sit and be Stillin that warm peaceful spot,

 but I was walking around stumbling all over the place.

 I was sure that being in motion was 

what I was supposed to be doing.

That motion is what was most fruitful.

 But God had another idea… He wants me to be Still.

Now I don’t believe it’s a Still as in doing nothing still. I would describe it as an active Still.

 An intentional stilling of my body,

my soul, my mind, my heart,

and my mouth.

 This Still will enable me to 

hear what I’m supposed to hear,

 notice what I’m supposed to notice,

 take in what I’m supposed to take in, and

 be renewed and refreshed in new ways.

I am being asked by God to Trust Him that 

by being Still in 2021,

 I will accomplish more 

by 

doing 

less.

 This describes my current life state. My health has forced my hand.

 I can fight my health and my path and 

simply get worse and 

let everything suffer.

 Or I can partner with God and 

cooperate in this season with Him

and be amazed at what 

He enables me to accomplish 

By being Still this year.

 Being Still requires trust. Being Still requires discipline.

Being Still sounds lovely.

 Being Still energizes my mind but in a calm way.

 When I am Still, I notice God. When I am Still, I am present 

with family and myself.

When I am Still, I feel more connected

to the world and everyone in it.

When I am Still, I am truly living.

I wonder if my being Still in 2021 is going to be like being in a cocoon.

There is so much going on inside a cocoon

where true transformation occurs,

but you cannot see the end result,

until the cocoon opens.

   May my cocoon, my being Still in 2021,

bear lasting fruit

for God,

 my family,

 my friends,

 Hope for Our Sisters,

our world,

and me.

What is your word for 2021?  

© 2021 Brooke F. Sulahian

Intentionally Gentle May 12, 2020

 

During my morning walk,

God spoke to me

He invited me to be intentionally gentle

With my heart and soul

 

During COVID-19,

Into our 58th day of quarantine,

I rose from my sleep feeling a bit heavy

 

I make it a point to learn about our world, country, and city

I learn

Beautiful things

Hopeful things, and

Good things

I also learn things that

Break my heart

Anger my soul, and

Frustrate my mind with all that is wrong

My heart and soul require daily divine tending

 

What God has invited me to do

During this season of COVID

Is not something new and earth-shattering

Well, it is new, but

Something I think we have all heard before

 

What is His invitation?

He has invited me to

Be gentle with my heart and soul

Sit still and let Him refresh my heart and soul

As only He can

Be still and know Him as my God (Psalm 46:10)

 

This is not escape

This is acknowledging that I cannot do life without God

That I don’t want to do life without Him

That I believe His promise to be all present all the time

That I can trust Him with my heart and soul

In need of tending

 

I invite you to do the same…

 

How we live out this accepted invitation

Will differ from person to person

In sharing my plan,

I am hopeful it helps

You with your plan

 

First,

A quiet place alone

(I know finding alone space

can be really hard at this time,

but don’t give up…you can find it…

your bedroom, kid’s room, bathroom…)

 

Second,

An hour protected on my daily calendar

(choose whatever time works for you

in your season…even 5 minutes

can be truly fruitful with God)

 

Third,

Time invested in by

Lighting a candle,

Brewing a fresh cup of tea, and

Playing music that brings me to

God’s presence

 

Fourth,

Bible,

Journal, and

Any other resource

God places on my heart

(I have several fabulous devotionals and

may choose different books for certain days

of the week so I can

really sit and marinate in it’s truth)

 

Fifth,

A prayer asking God to

Enable me to be fully present

With Him for the hour

(or whatever time you allot) and

To let Him lead this time of

Intentional Gentleness with

His Presence

His Word

His Promises

His Provision

His Renewal

His Timing

 

May we all be gentle with our hearts

May we be gentle with our souls

May we all be still and know God

May we let God tend to our hearts and souls as He sees fit

 

© 2020 by Brooke F Sulahian