GRASPING HOPE
Each day I try to choose hope.
Some days
I actually grasp hope
with both hands
and hold on tight.
This last weekend
I had my worst migraine attack
since being diagnosed with
vestibular migraines,
PPPD (chronic dizziness), and
related/unrelated vision issues.
I was in bed all day
from Friday morning
until the following Tuesday morning.
I didn’t fight it.
I knew that would only make it worse,
and my time in bed actually
taught me a lot.
I learned that
I have become more gentle.
More gentle with myself.
More gentle with the expectations I have for each day.
More gentle when confronted with my limits.
God has been inviting me to be
gentle with myself
for the last few years.
Here I am.
I also learned that I am grieving.
Grieving the body I once had.
Grieving the body that worked like a clock.
Grieving the body that would
workout anytime I wanted to workout
and rest anytime I wanted to rest.
As I move forward toward healing
and walk in the pursuit of healing,
my body may look and operate
more like it once did
or it won’t.
I must leave that in God’s hands.
I also learned
that our compassionate and
tender-hearted children
have grown in empathy.
They have learned about
caring for others
while watching
my hubby care for me.
Not only did they bring me
my favorite drink,
chai tea latte,
but they added
cinnamon on the top.
They brought me my favorite
sweet peanut butter snack,
added a couple of my “safe”cookies,
one last chocolate treat,
and a dairy pill
just in case anything had dairy.
They remembered
the dairy pill.
It warmed my heart.
It warmed my soul.
It made every part of me smile.
I felt so known.
I felt so loved.
I give God thanks for
this beautiful silver lining
from the chronic health path
we have all been walking
the last 14 months.
Lastly, I learned that I
had chosen hope
each day of that
long weekend in bed.
Actually, I was grasping hope
with both hands
and holding on tight.
Hope.
Hope is an amazingly powerful word.
I often say that hope is what
gets people out of bed every day.
Hope is what motivates people
to answer the phone or the door.
Hope is what gives all of us
a reason to look into tomorrow
Each day I try to choose hope.
Some days
I actually grasp hope
with both hands
and hold on tight.
© 2021 Brooke F. Sulahian
hopesightings 