hopesightings

finding hope and sharing it

I Crossed the Line…Segment 5 February 1, 2017

Filed under: Hope — Brooke F. Sulahian @ 3:10 pm
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 line-in-the-sand

Thankfully I chose to be real…I chose to deal…I chose to live in Him and His truth

This is a daily choice as I let Him work in and through me

I have times of peace and pain, clarity and confusion, and everything in between

This is the true path for me but I am not the leader…I am following His lead in full release

 

Hard discoveries are part of this path

I discovered the lies I thought were a part of my past are still there

These lies that I know so well are still vying for real estate within my heart and a hold on my mind

My life-long lies of desiring control, fear of failure, and need for earthly acclaim are alive and well

How could this be?

 

It hit me…

Once again I allowed myself to believe the lie that my value is based on my performance

The lie that my value is based on how Hope for Our Sisters does from year to year

The lie that my value is based on what others think of me

The lie that everything is on my shoulders

The lie that I have to be in control

All lies…

 

On this new path I tell myself…

– I am not my performance

– I am not Hope for Our Sisters’ performance

– I am not what others think of me

– I am – and you are – so much more than that!

What about my value solely because I am His daughter?

I had to acknowledge that these lies are still after me and at times, gaining access and taking hold

Again… EXPOSED and VULNERABLE…

but also PEACEFUL and CALM

A beautiful mix of REAL

 

I crossed the line

I have chosen the path less traveled which can be painful yet also incredibly rich….rich with Him!

Along this new path I seek to “marinate” daily in His Word…His truth…the only place where true freedom resides

I could not have anticipated this AMAZING JOURNEY and I cannot wait to see how He uses it

in His time and way

 

I CROSSED THE LINE

I took a chance on Him because He daily takes a chance on me

It has been so worth it!

Are you ready to step over your line, open your door, accept your invitation, make your phone call?

He is there…waiting…inviting you to the other side

© 2017 Brooke F. Sulahian

 

I Crossed the Line…Segment 4 January 27, 2017

Filed under: Hope — Brooke F. Sulahian @ 6:49 pm
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line-in-the-sand

Feeling EXPOSED and VULNERABLE?!?!

This is not what I expected

Had I even signed up for this?

This was not part of the journey I wanted to continue

Where did this come from?

I thought crossing the line was the tough part

I felt my heart resist taking more steps

Could I simply stop?

I really wanted to stop

Could I just sit down and stay right where I was?

I told myself I could…so I did

I felt that I lacked the energy for anything else…this was too hard

Thankfully, He did not let me stay there long

As much as I fought my feelings and fears, He patiently softened my heart

He cut through my feelings and fears to my heart…to my soul…

He showed me what was really inside of me waiting to be released

Beauty

Potential

Creativity

Value

I remember the morning I finally saw His full knowledge of me as a gift

I could honestly say to myself, if He knows me so well and loves me anyway, then He truly loves all of me

It took courage to act on this but I decided

– I CAN TRUST Him

– I CAN WALK with Him

– I CAN GO where He leads me

I stood up…I was ready to move on

However, I could not take a step

We still had heart work to do…

Really?

Moving ahead placed me at a fork in the road…a decision was before me

I had to choose: Be real with God and deal with my “stuff” or not

Being real with God would require me to come clean with myself

Being real might be painful at times

Being real would be the harder of the two roads…the road less traveled

What did I choose?

What would you choose?

(Thank you for walking with me. More to come…)

© 2017 Brooke F. Sulahian

 

Have Your Way December 6, 2013

Filed under: Hope — Brooke F. Sulahian @ 11:35 am
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Walking through a dark cave, more like a tunnel, for weeks…where is He leading me?

No answers along the way, but a strange sense of peace made residence in my heart

Thought I had left my family outside (trying to protect them?) yet I found them at the end

Knew God was behind this…I have been on similar journeys before

However, this one was different…

Before going in, a few months back, God told me that I would need to trust Him like never before

I would need to walk with Him in a new way…giving all of myself and all I have to Him

Had I not given Him everything before?

What was I holding back?

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you know that once you stand up to leave the place where you have been sitting, everything is going to be different?

That once you move from that very spot you can never go back to where you “were” before?

That is how I felt a few months ago…it took awhile for me to physically move, stand up and walk away from where I had sat with God that morning

What would trusting God in a new way mean for my family and me?

One answer to that was this recent journey…a slow, intentional journey

Not filled with fear, but lack of immediate answers to the questions running through my mind

Reading books that shook my core and challenged my faith

Never did I question God’s presence

However, I was forced to question my trust in Him

The questions He kept in front of me were:

Is my faith real?

Am I willing to get my hands dirty?

Am I willing to trust all I have and am to God?

The end of this journey came as suddenly as it began

Surprised to find that my family had been there with me all along

Had I really thought I could keep them out?

Had I actually wanted to protect them from God’s plan?

Doesn’t make any sense, but I had tried it

At one point along this journey I actually caught myself saying that I wanted to secure our children’s future

That there were some “roads” and “places” I was unwilling to go

Was I trying to be my own god and create my own plan?

As I approached the end of the tunnel, God told me that I needed to close the door

Just as He won’t wrench things from my hand that I refuse to give to Him, He was not going to shut the door

That was my doing

Again, hesitation…

Once closed I could not go back…

I love God and have been walking with Him for a long time

Why did I feel that if I really gave it all to Him the floor would fall out from beneath my feet?

I chose to leave with my family and God showed me something that was beautiful yet heart-breaking

My husband, 7 year-old son, 5 year-old daughter and I held hands

Jesus then took my husband’s hand and we left together

We were walking along a path God designed for us…. beautiful

What surprised me is howmy heart stung when I saw Jesus simultaneously take my daughter’s hand and lead her along a path of her own and do the same with my son and husband

I want them to walk with Him

But it stung because, for that to happen, I need to let go of what I treasure most…my family

God was reminding me that He has a plan for each of us…as a family and individuals

He was showing me that my plans pale in comparison to His

That I can have desires for my family, but I need to let God guide each of them for they are His

I prayed for my husband and kiddos very differently this morning

I sat where each of them sleep and asked God to walk with them, watch over them, and give them His courage, wisdom, and strength to live this day for Him

I prayedthat I would let God have His way in my life since nothing in my life is of my own doing…

Everything is from Him…My Lord, My Protector, My Healer, and My Guide

The three questions are still before me…answers will come in His time

God, Have Your Way this day…

© 2013 by Brooke F Sulahian

 

Hollowed Out September 3, 2013

Filed under: Hope — Brooke F. Sulahian @ 1:34 am
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Re-entry.  My world has been rocked!  Returning from my first trip to Africa is proving to be an incredibly tough journey.  Everyone warned me about how hard it is to leave your home with great material wealth and visit a land lacking any sense of material treasures.  However, I cannot even begin to articulate if that is indeed my challenge.  All I know is that my emotions are running way ahead of me…either sloshing out of me wherever I step or being used to defend myself from an individual who cannot see the invisible sign around my neck stating, “Bubble space needed…experiencing re-entry”.

In fact, I feel there is not much left of the person I was when I headed out to Africa.  That version of me is gone.  I feel like a fragile shell of my original self and God has hollowed out my insides to transform and change me.  This is a very painful process and it is NOT where I want to be.

Or is it?

In Isaiah 64:8, it states, “Yet you, Lord, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.”  I believe that if we choose to follow God, we must be willing to be like clay in His hands to be worked and molded in His way and time.  This is the price I have chosen to pay.  The price of saying yes to His calling to speak out for my sisters suffering from fistula.  The price of saying yes to the journey to Angola to meet these sisters.  My heart, which felt so intact, now feels broken.  God’s peace, which felt so close at hand, now feels elusive…like grabbing at a statue made of sand or Jell-O.  My corner of the world, which once felt so right, now feels as if I am wearing an outfit made for someone else.  It’s not that God is not with me.  He never leaves.  However, I am in the process of being changed anew.  It hurts deep down in the soul of who I am, but I know peace, God’s perfect peace, is there for the taking, a gift from Him.  He is near.  His time.  His way.  His plan.  I am His clay.

However, the price I am currently paying, even though great in my view, is so very small in comparison to the price these sisters of mine have paid, are currently paying and will pay in the days to come.  May this fragile shell of who I was become once again a mighty Ezer warrior for Him, as God equips me with bolder words, greater courage, and bigger vision as I speak out for my sisters.

At this time, God has not called me to live overseas, but He has called me to continue to be one of the many voices attempting to bridge the gap between the material “haves” and material “have nots”.  To encourage those who have to give their lives for those who do not.  Life for me has changed.  May I live it for Him.  May I continue to say yes, no matter the price or pain.  Will you join me?

© 2013 by Brooke F SulahianImage