Now my first-grade son would say, “Mommy, that is not right.” But for my life, it is.
I will turn 42 years old this month, but I find myself not focusing on new wrinkles and body aches, but on freedom. Freedom from the bondage of depression. Freedom from the temptation to slip back into my pit. Freedom from thoughts of suicide as my only way out. Freedom granted to me by God’s healing and grace 13 years ago. For me, 42 equals 13.
Leave it to God to choose to use us, his fallen, imperfect children, to do His work. At times, I am so surprised how He has called me to serve Him. This hit me first when I was pregnant with our son and then our daughter. That God would take me, a woman who once felt worthless and useless, to be the vessel for new life…truly amazing! At times don’t you find yourself laughing at how He operates? So contrary to our expectations at times.
Today, I found myself thinking about my current callings and again found myself in awe of how God sees in us what we cannot or will not see. In me, He saw the person to lead Hope for Our Sisters (hopeforoursisters.org) and Gathering for Hope (gatheringforhope.org), even though I spent years lost in my pit with no way out or even a desire to climb out. He saw past that and knew I was destined for more, if only I would take His hand and walk with Him.
Is it ironic or fitting that I now speak for women and girls without hope, women and girls who have been told they are worthless and useless – women and girls with fistula? Does it make any sense that I now encourage other women to find their calling and help restore the lives of others on God’s behalf – when I once saw no need for my own life?
As you look at your year ahead, I hope you will find your equation, find how God has come into your life and made a change for the better. May we not get lost in ourselves and our limitations, but may we get lost in the adventure God has planned for us.
No matter your equation or story, God will use you if you let Him. For me, 42 equals 13 equals freedom and for that I am thankful!
© 2013 by Brooke F Sulahian