I Crossed the Line December 5, 2016

He slowly drew a line in the sand

He looked at me

I looked back…my expression making it clear I needed an explanation

He asked me to step over the line

What?

Step over?

Leave what I know?

Leave the “places” and “ways” I have met with Him, my Savior, for years?

With thanks for my visual relationship with Him, I “looked” at where we have met these last years

– the still pool of water where I have found stones of wisdom,

– the open green grass where I have seen my family, the sisters I serve, and myself dance and play

– all that I knew of my relationship with Him

How could I step over?

How could I give up what I KNOW for what I DON’T?

“Do you TRUST Me?” He asked.

“YES!” I replied

However, I still could not move

Could not or Would not?

I hesitated

Hoping for a distraction…something to give me time to think over my options

He just waited

Thinking back to how He has guided me and telling my heart what my head knew (He knows best and has a plan for me)…I gave in

With COURAGE from Him and FAITH and TRUST in Him I stepped over the line

This was not a confidant leap

This was a small, timid step

I remember forcing myself not to look back but to look in His eyes

Although physically small, this was a huge step of faith

I was filled with excitement and anxiety

I told my husband and a few friends…

“I stepped over the line! But…I have no idea where I am going!”

Joy and fear resided in my voice and heart

I was TRUSTING in Him big time

This occurred weeks ago…

(See more of my journey in my next update)

© 2016 Brooke F. Sulahian

STRENGTH THROUGH BROKENNESS August 17, 2016

Angola was AMAZING! God OUTDID Himself again! So, why was I unable to write about it? So much to share! Meeting 38 women (34 awaiting fistula surgery, 4 already dry), participating in 4 fistula awareness/prevention sessions, seeing future prevention effort doors open, viewing an emergency C-section (prevention), and more, I thought I would be writing every day. The words simply pouring out of my heart. THAT HAS NOT HAPPENED.

I realized I needed to first write about ME. I did not want to focus on MYSELF. I want YOU to meet our SISTERS. However, I believe if I write about MY JOURNEY, the STORIES from the trip will flow. In TRUST I share.

Part of me did NOT WANT TO GO on this trip. Most of me did. It was time. Our schedule fell beautifully into place. I wanted to connect with PARTNERS and meet more SISTERS I knew I would LOVE the moment we met. Why not go? FEAR. I was AFRAID for my heart. As many of you know, the first trip left my heart SHREDDED and BROKEN IN PIECES. I know God gently and patiently put it back together. I know He uses that experience to fuel my efforts with Hope for Our Sisters. Even so, the FEAR remained.

A mentor once told me that at times our HEAD needs to share TRUTH with our HEART. This was such a time. I knew God was sending me to Angola and He would watch over me. I knew if my HEART BROKE again it would be for my SISTERS’ benefit, according to His plan. My HEAD knew all this. My HEART did not. As the TRIP APPROACHED and the FEARS GREW, my husband, family and friends lovingly shared how this trip would be easier on my heart. I had been before. I would not be as shocked. I would be MOVED, HURT and ANGERED on behalf my SISTERS, but not SHREDDED.

Strengthened by others, I moved from FEAR to TRUST to SURRENDER. I WENT and I am SO GLAD! He had so much in store for our SISTERS and US as YOU can see above and as YOU will learn through my future updates.

My HEART? I shed TEARS, I asked WHY, and I got ANGRY, but I also saw PROGRESS, witnessed COURAGE, and experienced SOLIDARITY with our PARTNERS and SISTERS. When God healed my heart, it was as if He made SPACE for each and every SISTER I have met and will meet. The HEARTACHE and BROKENNESS have been experienced and now each SISTER has her PERMANENT PLACE in my HEART. I had to be BROKEN to become the most effective VESSEL to serve God and my SISTERS. I, a broken vessel, am thankful for every crack.

May my words inspire YOU to move beyond your FEARS and experience all He has for YOU. May the stories from the trip begin to flow…

Changing the lives of women, one woman at a time.

http://www.hopeforoursisters.org

© 2016 by Brooke F Sulahian

Freedom Through Surgery April 30, 2015

“Mommy, will you be able to run? Will you be able to jump and play? Will you be well?” These were my children’s questions when I told them I was having surgery…surgery to heal my incontinence. Yes, I leaked urine ALL THE TIME. For the last 8.5 years, it did not matter if I was walking, running, coughing, sneezing or simply sitting still…my bladder was broken, I leaked, and it kept me from really living.

As much as I appreciated this physical connection with my sisters with fistula and an incredibly small sense of their physical plight – isn’t it amazing how God works? – I was DONE, FED UP and READY to try SOMETHING. The women and girls we met in Angola were also DONE, FED UP and READY to be WELL.

Our sisters ask about healing through surgery. Is it possible? I asked the same question… weeping with my husband, Tim, the night before…what if something goes wrong, what if it doesn’t work, what if I can never really be free? Surgery results are never 100% guaranteed. As Tim held me, I felt I could give it a try. Most women with fistula have no husband to hold them when they weep. Yet they amazingly find the courage to try.

The morning of my surgery, I realized I would be put in the same position as our sisters are for fistula surgery. Wow! Another amazing connection. However, when I underwent surgery, I was accustomed to a hospital, knew my doctor well, and fully understood the procedure and desired outcome. I wonder about our sisters being in a different environment at the hospital, facing language barriers, and fear of the unknown.

Today is 3.5 months since my surgery…guess what? It worked! I am free from my physical limits. I can run, jump, sneeze, play…enjoy life to the full. In fact, I played dodge ball and kickball at my friend’s son’s birthday party and fully appreciated this renewed freedom. Such a gift!

We at Hope for Our Sisters want this same freedom for our sisters with fistula. YOU can help us give them the gift of freedom. Freedom provides me the opportunity to experience life with my husband and kids to the full. However, I was never isolated and shamed due to my leaking. I could cover it up and manage it. Since our sisters with fistula are most often isolated, shunned, and blamed for their condition, successful surgery not only frees them from leaking but gives them the CHANCE at COMMUNITY, at HOPE, at LIFE.

My answers to my kids’ questions were “Yes, I can run. Yes, I can jump. Yes, I am well.” It is our hope that one day soon our sisters with fistula will all be able to say, “Yes, I am dry. Yes, I can be in community once again. Yes, I can really live. Yes, I feel whole.”

© 2015 by Brooke F Sulahian

Out On A Limb October 31, 2014

I can’t do this. It’s not coming together. Maybe I got it wrong. What was I thinking?

These were my thoughts in September of 2010, three months after receiving my calling to raise awareness and support for women and girls with fistula. God asked me to invite women to serve in this way together, but I couldn’t find them. My hope, courage and boldness had transformed into despair, fear and insecurity. Not a great start, huh? But God had a plan for Hope for Our Sisters and He gets full credit for the fruit found along our path.

Looking at the last four years, God’s timely provision amazes me. Whenever I feel like I am out on a limb alone, He always finds me and walks with me. More challenging times are ahead, but I am learning to seek His presence, His fruit, in each moment. Saying Yes does not mean things get easier, but you just may get the chance to live and serve in ways you never imagined possible.

Encouraged by His presence, I continued to walk this new path and found that women started to hear the message and say Yes. One, then another, then a few more. Men also came our way. We now have Partners, Regular and new Donors, Directors, Executive Committee Members, Advisors, Prayer Warriors and a Hope for Our Sisters Team of over 50 volunteers! Real fruit!

I remember our joy upon funding our first 10 fistula surgeries as a volunteer organization. We thought the goal was unattainable. Then we increased our goal to 100 surgeries. Yikes! How was that going to happen? God, again, had a plan.

After becoming a registered non-profit in January of 2012, things took off in new exciting directions. It seems crazy to think that that over 250 fistula surgeries have been funded. At times, it is also hard to believe we traveled to Angola to visit Central Evangelical Medical Center (CEML). Not only did we view and participate in fistula surgery and meet with doctors and staff, we met 15 women and girls with fistula. Many of these women and girls are now dry! Incredible fruit!

Our Donors, Supporters and Team keep spreading ripples of hope. Hope is flowing into Nepal through prevention, a main reason we registered as a non-profit. We want to stop fistula before it begins. Hope is also moving into the Democratic Republic of the Congo through restorative care and skills training. Enabling women and girls to be accepted within society again is a passion.

HFOS is spreading hope. Hope is reaching women and girls with fistula, those at risk of fistula and those recovering from surgery. Hope is also penetrating the hearts of those who hear about fistula. Everyone who donates to and supports this cause does so because of hope. Hope also penetrates my heart when anyone says Yes to our sisters in whatever way they choose. Hope is on the move and it can change lives!

I almost missed out on this journey. I could have said No. God would have called someone else. I am thankful I said Yes and did not give up when I was out on a limb. In addition to doing such meaningful work, I get to watch God continuously turn my despair, fear and insecurity into hope, courage and boldness.

As I write this, I am very thankful for everyone else’s Yes for our sisters and HFOS! Your Yes has enabled hope to flow in life-transforming ripples. May the ripples keep spreading.

© 2014 by Brooke F Sulahian

Limits November 7, 2013

Recently convicted that I had set up limits around my life

Limits to protect those I love

Limits to maintain a sense of control

Limits to protect our level of comfort

Limits that I built without knowing it

Limits that could get in the way of God’s plans for my family and me

Limits…

Once convicted, God gave me a picture

The boundary I had constructed was quite expansive, not right around me

I wanted to fully live for Him, but even far-off walls limit us

The walls were not high, but very low to the ground

My walls were beautifully constructed with care

My walls were strong

My walls held inside of them my husband, our two children and me

My walls were set up to protect our lives, health, education, and future

I have plans for tomorrow…don’t you?

Then God asks me to tear down these walls, my limits

In my prayers I watched myself deconstruct the walls I had so carefully built

Tear down the walls that I had built without even knowing it

Destroy the walls that could limit what God has in store for us

Walls meant to protect us

God asks, do you trust Me?

Do you trust Me with what you value most?

Your husband?

Your children?

Your future?

As I sit within the rubble of my torn down walls, these questions play through my mind

I want to say yes,

But can I?

Can I really trust God with everything?

I know I should

I know He is faithful

The questions simultaneously bring me

fear, joy, confusion, anxiety, and excitement

Where will I place my trust?

In man-made walls or the hands of God?

I know what my answer should be…

Am I brave enough in Him to say yes?

Am I brave enough to walk with my family beyond the rubble and truly live in Him?

Will I say yes today?

Will you?

© 2013 by Brooke F Sulahian