hopesightings

finding hope and sharing it

RELEASING OUR SON March 29, 2017

Filed under: Hope — Brooke F. Sulahian @ 2:30 pm
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I feel dry

Weighed down

Overwhelmed, actually

I felt God lead me to write this morning

Writing often open up my way when it feels blocked

I planned to write about something else but

these words

simply

poured

out

of

my

heart

Our precious son is not well

He’s not dying…it’s a chronic condition with treatment

Painful treatment potentially, yes…but treatment

I am sincerely thankful to You for answering our specific prayer for answers

No more “we don’t know what’s wrong with your son”

These answers are a wonderful gift…thank You

Yet, I find myself wondering if there is more to discover

I keep dreaming about surprise findings, unexpected discoveries, lack of control

more to process

more to grieve

more to accept

We learned new information this week

processing

praying

talking it out

What else is happening in his body that I cannot see?

Is this my deep fear?

What else is happening in his body for which I cannot prepare?

Is this what is weighing me down?

My desire (i.e. idol) of having control is being challenged like never before

This is our son

Is this the reason parts of my heart are closed off to everyone, even You?

Is this why parts of my heart are locked?

I did not even realize I held the keys…did I lock my heart?

Why all this weight and dryness?

I feel I am being overly dramatic

I have become adept at rationalizing our situation

Others near and far suffer so much more

Many children right now are fighting for their lives

Too many others have already been lost by their parents and families

So many children are lost inside themselves due to other challenges

We have our son…why not rejoice?

Others lack access to medical care

Others lack benefits to pay for medical care

Others lack in far worse ways

Why can’t I be fully, sincerely and consistently thankful?

Is this even possible?

Is this even real?

God, I have often thanked You for not making us like robots

We must choose to love and follow You

We must choose this daily

Our commitment to You is not automatic

We can turn away

We can question

We can get angry…even yell at You

You can take it

We can feel betrayed

That is a very strong word

Is that what I am feeling?

Do I feel You betrayed me…our son…our family?

I know You could take your pinky finger, touch our son’s body and heal it

Yet, you have not done that

Part of my heart trusts You…part of me is where I need to be

Accepting this…at peace…ready to move forward

But I am not all there

I am not yet united

Parts of me are cut off…locked away

The Bible, Your Word, says we will suffer…

why should all of this surprise me?

In addition, You also remind us that

You have overcome the world

You have…I know this in my head

I just want to feel it in my heart again

My mind trusts in the idea of Your larger plan that I cannot see

However, I am not enjoying this current valley

Not at all

You’ve seen me through my deepest depression and desire to end it all

I know how You walked with me

I know the years in my pit were used by

You to prepare me for all I am and all I am doing today

Your plans are best

Your wisdom perfect

Your love eternal

Why is my heart holding out?

You gave me a gift two weeks ago

(Hard to believe I am currently further along my path…

more work ahead of me but some healing through You has occurred)

You met me in my heartache and called me back

You showed me that this is a small story within the larger narrative of our lives

A narrative of You as Provider, Restorer, Lover

This story may even be more like a small chapter

My heart is no longer totally shattered…progress…thank You!

Our son is not his diagnosis

He is far beyond what is happening within his body

He is a treasure of Yours which You lovingly loaned to us

He is taking all of this new and potentially scary stuff so well

He inspires us each day

He is strong because You give him strength

Why won’t I accept Your offer of strength?

It is right before me along with Your offer of

peace

release

fullness

joy

hope

in You

Why won’t I pick them up?

Why won’t I own what You have prepared for me?

Today I am being very real…very open

You, Lord, don’t want me to be a perfect follower, a perfect believer
You want me to be real

Even when I feel weak

Even when I feel my heart will burst if I truly

“sit” within our situation

I wonder if my heart will be crushed…not by You…by the situation

if I truly release it all to You

You created beautiful and restorative treasures that await me

I only need accept them

You have patience to walk with me along this path at my pace

You knew I would be here feeling dry, weighed down, lacking

You won’t leave me or grow weary of me

My realness is never too much for You

My realness is actually a treasure in Your eyes

You love me as I am and will lovingly guide me to where I need to be

Praying my transparency will bring others comfort, community, hope

There is a way out of this dryness…this lack…this weight

The way out is to leave it all with You

The only One who can handle it all

My head knows this…parts of my heart do too

But my heart won’t let go of our son

Even though I know he is best with You

Not yet…parts of my heart are locked tight right now

Locked with keys that I own

May my transparency help me eventually fully release our son to You

He is Yours anyway

You love him most

© 2017 Brooke F. Sulahian

 

15 Minutes of Quiet February 17, 2017

Filed under: Hope — Brooke F. Sulahian @ 2:32 pm
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clock-15mins_1_large

I have recently been setting a timer for 15 minutes

15 minutes of quiet

As a natural doer, achiever, and activator

it can be so hard for me to just sit

Sit in quiet

Sit in quiet and listen

Sit in quiet and be open to what my Savior has to say

So hard to release my moments, my schedule, even when I know…

It is so worth it

It is a gift

It it best

One morning I received the below…

Trust is sitting with Me

Slowing down honors Me

Being still allows My Spirit to alight on you and fill you

I have a plan for you

But you need to seek it with a heart for Me and My glory –

Not your own

Before you head out today, I want you to know I have carefully and lovingly

placed treasures along the way, especially for you and your journey

But you will only recognize them for all thay are if you go at

My pace with your eyes fixed on Me

Don’t trust in your own readiness…rely on My ability to provide

It’s My power and provision that matter

Those hands – your hands – clenched so tightly

They are trapping gifts and blessings, even miracles, that need to

soar like doves into the hearts of others

Release

Release fully in Me today

Where is Your trust being placed?

If it’s in yourself

Push ahead

Clench your hands tightly

Even grit your teeth if you need to

Trudge up the hills and down into the valleys carrying your burdens

However,

If your trust is in Me,

Open your hands

Take My hand in yours

Walk lightly up the hills and into the valleys knowing I am with you

I want to carry your “stuff”

I am able to carry anything and everything that weighs you down

You simply need to release your burdens,

your day,

your moments

to Me

You can place your trust in Me

Thank you for gifting Me your heart and time this morning

Let’s meet again tomorrow

© 2017 Brooke F. Sulahian

 

I Crossed the Line…Segment 5 February 1, 2017

Filed under: Hope — Brooke F. Sulahian @ 3:10 pm
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 line-in-the-sand

Thankfully I chose to be real…I chose to deal…I chose to live in Him and His truth

This is a daily choice as I let Him work in and through me

I have times of peace and pain, clarity and confusion, and everything in between

This is the true path for me but I am not the leader…I am following His lead in full release

 

Hard discoveries are part of this path

I discovered the lies I thought were a part of my past are still there

These lies that I know so well are still vying for real estate within my heart and a hold on my mind

My life-long lies of desiring control, fear of failure, and need for earthly acclaim are alive and well

How could this be?

 

It hit me…

Once again I allowed myself to believe the lie that my value is based on my performance

The lie that my value is based on how Hope for Our Sisters does from year to year

The lie that my value is based on what others think of me

The lie that everything is on my shoulders

The lie that I have to be in control

All lies…

 

On this new path I tell myself…

– I am not my performance

– I am not Hope for Our Sisters’ performance

– I am not what others think of me

– I am – and you are – so much more than that!

What about my value solely because I am His daughter?

I had to acknowledge that these lies are still after me and at times, gaining access and taking hold

Again… EXPOSED and VULNERABLE…

but also PEACEFUL and CALM

A beautiful mix of REAL

 

I crossed the line

I have chosen the path less traveled which can be painful yet also incredibly rich….rich with Him!

Along this new path I seek to “marinate” daily in His Word…His truth…the only place where true freedom resides

I could not have anticipated this AMAZING JOURNEY and I cannot wait to see how He uses it

in His time and way

 

I CROSSED THE LINE

I took a chance on Him because He daily takes a chance on me

It has been so worth it!

Are you ready to step over your line, open your door, accept your invitation, make your phone call?

He is there…waiting…inviting you to the other side

© 2017 Brooke F. Sulahian

 

CHOOSE YOUR WORD…CHOOSE YOUR WAY January 2, 2017

Filed under: Hope — Brooke F. Sulahian @ 3:05 pm
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choose-your-word-2017

It’s that time again…can it really be here?

A NEW YEAR?

What HAPPENED to last year?

How do I actually FEEL about last year?

Am I really READY for a new one?

No matter my readiness, IT IS HERE

And IT’S TIME to

Choose our WORD and choose our WAY

My WORD for 2016 was TRUST

While focusing on TRUST, I crossed paths with my 2017 WORD…my new WORD

What is it?

What is my WORD for 2017?

RELEASE

RELEASE may be my hardest word to live out yet

As you know, I like control…even if it is a false sense of control

RELEASE is hard

RELEASE goes against my internal wiring

RELEASE…full RELEASE…can actually feel quite scary at times

But, RELEASE is what I have been asked to do…so I WILL

RELEASE it ALL to HIM…nothing held back…HANDS and HEART OPEN

What is your WORD?

Our WORDS help define our WAY

WHERE are you going and HOW will you get there?

I accepted my invitation to the path of RELEASE

In seeking TRUE FREEDOM I believe this is the WAY…

RELEASE everything to Him…as best as I can…EVERY DAY

What is your WORD?

Our WORDS help define our WAY

WHERE are you going and HOW will you get there?

What will you CHOOSE?

 

© 2017 by Brooke F Sulahian

 

Want to Watch Strength and Potential Fly? November 21, 2016

Filed under: Hope — Brooke F. Sulahian @ 1:47 pm
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Letting Go in Trust – Discovering Strength and Potential

 dove-from-hand

Hands clenched tight.

That’s what you do when you care about something, right?

You hold on tight.

That’s how you care.

That’s how you protect.

That’s what I was doing, unknowingly, with Hope for Our Sisters and the beautiful women we serve.

Holding on so tightly my hands hurt.

However, this is not what I should have been doing.

Do I love the sisters we serve? Yes!

Do I enjoy my role of leading this organization? Yes!

Do I feel called to this life-changing work? Yes!

Do I believe our donors, investors, team members and prayer warriors can enable us to generate hope, healing and ultimate freedom from fistula? Yes!

Then I must let go. I must release. This is not mine to clench tightly.

In trust I let go.

I opened my hands in trusting release.

An old adage says if you love something set it free.

I did this, once again, with Hope for Our Sisters and our future path.

I did this knowing we are at a strategic growth point with many prayers, assessments and decisions before us.

I did this because in holding tightly, it overwhelmed my soul.

Holding tightly kept me, rather than God, in charge.

Clenching with all my might limited what He, my Lord who called me to this work, could do through Hope for Our Sisters.

Once opened…once released, what flew out of my clenched fists?

A beautiful, strong, white dove…confident in her flight and full of potential, just like our sisters.

 

What does this mean?

Beautiful, hope-generating gifts and actions will flow through Hope for Our Sisters to the beautiful women we serve if I will let go and release our next steps, decisions and plans to Him.

This is His organization not mine.

This is the calling He placed on my heart.

Only through release in trust can Hope for Our Sisters accomplish its goals, generate hope for our sisters and, along with our donors, investors, team members and prayer warriors, help to bring fistula to its end.

Look at YOUR hands.

Do YOU have a dove desiring to be set free today?

 

Our Sisters are liked trapped doves waiting to fly.

Waiting to tap into their undeniable strength and potential?

Who will help them fly?

 

Open YOUR hands, release and watch them fly!

 

To learn more about our Hope for Our Sisters, visit hopeforoursisters.org

© 2016 by Brooke F Sulahian