hopesightings

finding hope and sharing it

RELEASING OUR SON March 29, 2017

Filed under: Hope — Brooke F. Sulahian @ 2:30 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I feel dry

Weighed down

Overwhelmed, actually

I felt God lead me to write this morning

Writing often open up my way when it feels blocked

I planned to write about something else but

these words

simply

poured

out

of

my

heart

Our precious son is not well

He’s not dying…it’s a chronic condition with treatment

Painful treatment potentially, yes…but treatment

I am sincerely thankful to You for answering our specific prayer for answers

No more “we don’t know what’s wrong with your son”

These answers are a wonderful gift…thank You

Yet, I find myself wondering if there is more to discover

I keep dreaming about surprise findings, unexpected discoveries, lack of control

more to process

more to grieve

more to accept

We learned new information this week

processing

praying

talking it out

What else is happening in his body that I cannot see?

Is this my deep fear?

What else is happening in his body for which I cannot prepare?

Is this what is weighing me down?

My desire (i.e. idol) of having control is being challenged like never before

This is our son

Is this the reason parts of my heart are closed off to everyone, even You?

Is this why parts of my heart are locked?

I did not even realize I held the keys…did I lock my heart?

Why all this weight and dryness?

I feel I am being overly dramatic

I have become adept at rationalizing our situation

Others near and far suffer so much more

Many children right now are fighting for their lives

Too many others have already been lost by their parents and families

So many children are lost inside themselves due to other challenges

We have our son…why not rejoice?

Others lack access to medical care

Others lack benefits to pay for medical care

Others lack in far worse ways

Why can’t I be fully, sincerely and consistently thankful?

Is this even possible?

Is this even real?

God, I have often thanked You for not making us like robots

We must choose to love and follow You

We must choose this daily

Our commitment to You is not automatic

We can turn away

We can question

We can get angry…even yell at You

You can take it

We can feel betrayed

That is a very strong word

Is that what I am feeling?

Do I feel You betrayed me…our son…our family?

I know You could take your pinky finger, touch our son’s body and heal it

Yet, you have not done that

Part of my heart trusts You…part of me is where I need to be

Accepting this…at peace…ready to move forward

But I am not all there

I am not yet united

Parts of me are cut off…locked away

The Bible, Your Word, says we will suffer…

why should all of this surprise me?

In addition, You also remind us that

You have overcome the world

You have…I know this in my head

I just want to feel it in my heart again

My mind trusts in the idea of Your larger plan that I cannot see

However, I am not enjoying this current valley

Not at all

You’ve seen me through my deepest depression and desire to end it all

I know how You walked with me

I know the years in my pit were used by

You to prepare me for all I am and all I am doing today

Your plans are best

Your wisdom perfect

Your love eternal

Why is my heart holding out?

You gave me a gift two weeks ago

(Hard to believe I am currently further along my path…

more work ahead of me but some healing through You has occurred)

You met me in my heartache and called me back

You showed me that this is a small story within the larger narrative of our lives

A narrative of You as Provider, Restorer, Lover

This story may even be more like a small chapter

My heart is no longer totally shattered…progress…thank You!

Our son is not his diagnosis

He is far beyond what is happening within his body

He is a treasure of Yours which You lovingly loaned to us

He is taking all of this new and potentially scary stuff so well

He inspires us each day

He is strong because You give him strength

Why won’t I accept Your offer of strength?

It is right before me along with Your offer of

peace

release

fullness

joy

hope

in You

Why won’t I pick them up?

Why won’t I own what You have prepared for me?

Today I am being very real…very open

You, Lord, don’t want me to be a perfect follower, a perfect believer
You want me to be real

Even when I feel weak

Even when I feel my heart will burst if I truly

“sit” within our situation

I wonder if my heart will be crushed…not by You…by the situation

if I truly release it all to You

You created beautiful and restorative treasures that await me

I only need accept them

You have patience to walk with me along this path at my pace

You knew I would be here feeling dry, weighed down, lacking

You won’t leave me or grow weary of me

My realness is never too much for You

My realness is actually a treasure in Your eyes

You love me as I am and will lovingly guide me to where I need to be

Praying my transparency will bring others comfort, community, hope

There is a way out of this dryness…this lack…this weight

The way out is to leave it all with You

The only One who can handle it all

My head knows this…parts of my heart do too

But my heart won’t let go of our son

Even though I know he is best with You

Not yet…parts of my heart are locked tight right now

Locked with keys that I own

May my transparency help me eventually fully release our son to You

He is Yours anyway

You love him most

© 2017 Brooke F. Sulahian

Advertisements
 

15 Minutes of Quiet February 17, 2017

Filed under: Hope — Brooke F. Sulahian @ 2:32 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

clock-15mins_1_large

I have recently been setting a timer for 15 minutes

15 minutes of quiet

As a natural doer, achiever, and activator

it can be so hard for me to just sit

Sit in quiet

Sit in quiet and listen

Sit in quiet and be open to what my Savior has to say

So hard to release my moments, my schedule, even when I know…

It is so worth it

It is a gift

It it best

One morning I received the below…

Trust is sitting with Me

Slowing down honors Me

Being still allows My Spirit to alight on you and fill you

I have a plan for you

But you need to seek it with a heart for Me and My glory –

Not your own

Before you head out today, I want you to know I have carefully and lovingly

placed treasures along the way, especially for you and your journey

But you will only recognize them for all thay are if you go at

My pace with your eyes fixed on Me

Don’t trust in your own readiness…rely on My ability to provide

It’s My power and provision that matter

Those hands – your hands – clenched so tightly

They are trapping gifts and blessings, even miracles, that need to

soar like doves into the hearts of others

Release

Release fully in Me today

Where is Your trust being placed?

If it’s in yourself

Push ahead

Clench your hands tightly

Even grit your teeth if you need to

Trudge up the hills and down into the valleys carrying your burdens

However,

If your trust is in Me,

Open your hands

Take My hand in yours

Walk lightly up the hills and into the valleys knowing I am with you

I want to carry your “stuff”

I am able to carry anything and everything that weighs you down

You simply need to release your burdens,

your day,

your moments

to Me

You can place your trust in Me

Thank you for gifting Me your heart and time this morning

Let’s meet again tomorrow

© 2017 Brooke F. Sulahian

 

I Crossed the Line…Segment 5 February 1, 2017

Filed under: Hope — Brooke F. Sulahian @ 3:10 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

 line-in-the-sand

Thankfully I chose to be real…I chose to deal…I chose to live in Him and His truth

This is a daily choice as I let Him work in and through me

I have times of peace and pain, clarity and confusion, and everything in between

This is the true path for me but I am not the leader…I am following His lead in full release

 

Hard discoveries are part of this path

I discovered the lies I thought were a part of my past are still there

These lies that I know so well are still vying for real estate within my heart and a hold on my mind

My life-long lies of desiring control, fear of failure, and need for earthly acclaim are alive and well

How could this be?

 

It hit me…

Once again I allowed myself to believe the lie that my value is based on my performance

The lie that my value is based on how Hope for Our Sisters does from year to year

The lie that my value is based on what others think of me

The lie that everything is on my shoulders

The lie that I have to be in control

All lies…

 

On this new path I tell myself…

– I am not my performance

– I am not Hope for Our Sisters’ performance

– I am not what others think of me

– I am – and you are – so much more than that!

What about my value solely because I am His daughter?

I had to acknowledge that these lies are still after me and at times, gaining access and taking hold

Again… EXPOSED and VULNERABLE…

but also PEACEFUL and CALM

A beautiful mix of REAL

 

I crossed the line

I have chosen the path less traveled which can be painful yet also incredibly rich….rich with Him!

Along this new path I seek to “marinate” daily in His Word…His truth…the only place where true freedom resides

I could not have anticipated this AMAZING JOURNEY and I cannot wait to see how He uses it

in His time and way

 

I CROSSED THE LINE

I took a chance on Him because He daily takes a chance on me

It has been so worth it!

Are you ready to step over your line, open your door, accept your invitation, make your phone call?

He is there…waiting…inviting you to the other side

© 2017 Brooke F. Sulahian

 

I Crossed the Line…Segment 4 January 27, 2017

Filed under: Hope — Brooke F. Sulahian @ 6:49 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

line-in-the-sand

Feeling EXPOSED and VULNERABLE?!?!

This is not what I expected

Had I even signed up for this?

This was not part of the journey I wanted to continue

Where did this come from?

I thought crossing the line was the tough part

I felt my heart resist taking more steps

Could I simply stop?

I really wanted to stop

Could I just sit down and stay right where I was?

I told myself I could…so I did

I felt that I lacked the energy for anything else…this was too hard

Thankfully, He did not let me stay there long

As much as I fought my feelings and fears, He patiently softened my heart

He cut through my feelings and fears to my heart…to my soul…

He showed me what was really inside of me waiting to be released

Beauty

Potential

Creativity

Value

I remember the morning I finally saw His full knowledge of me as a gift

I could honestly say to myself, if He knows me so well and loves me anyway, then He truly loves all of me

It took courage to act on this but I decided

– I CAN TRUST Him

– I CAN WALK with Him

– I CAN GO where He leads me

I stood up…I was ready to move on

However, I could not take a step

We still had heart work to do…

Really?

Moving ahead placed me at a fork in the road…a decision was before me

I had to choose: Be real with God and deal with my “stuff” or not

Being real with God would require me to come clean with myself

Being real might be painful at times

Being real would be the harder of the two roads…the road less traveled

What did I choose?

What would you choose?

(Thank you for walking with me. More to come…)

© 2017 Brooke F. Sulahian

 

I Crossed the Line…Segment 3 January 13, 2017

Filed under: Hope — Brooke F. Sulahian @ 3:40 pm

line-in-the-sand

What was God up to at this weekend retreat, you ask?

He slowed my pace to a STOP…I had been “running” hard and fast…my default mode far too often

He turned my focus inward…I had been focusing on my work and others

He helped me see once again that I had been DOING, not BEING

The result?

My internal fire was out

– I had no idea it had been snuffed out

– How could this happen?

– H0w had I not seen my wayward steps?

My heart was stirring for the first time in a very long time

Stirring for Him…for His presence

I was left with a HUNGER for Christ like never before

My internal fire was reignited

– I wanted to see, feel, and hear Him every moment of every day

– Was this even possible?

– If it was, I knew wanted it with all my heart!

I was looking for Him as never before…what was next?

Deeper (by Debbie Alsdorf)

A book “sitting” on my kindle for I don’t know how long

A book I often overlooked when perusing my catalog

A book that caught my eye and heart

A book I knew I had to read…a book chosen by Him for me

Surprised as I continued to learn, or re-learn, basic truths of Him

HE KNOWS ME, PROTECTS ME and LOVES ME

Where and when had I left these basic truths behind?

This all felt so NEW

My path was taking a turn I did not expect…my reaction surprised me

Learning again just how clearly He knows me should have made me feel thankful

It didn’t

This knowledge left me feeling EXPOSED and VULNERABLE

I was feeling very uncomfortable…what was He up to?

(Thank you for walking with me. See more of my journey in my next update)

© 2017 Brooke F. Sulahian

 

CHOOSE YOUR WORD…CHOOSE YOUR WAY January 2, 2017

Filed under: Hope — Brooke F. Sulahian @ 3:05 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

choose-your-word-2017

It’s that time again…can it really be here?

A NEW YEAR?

What HAPPENED to last year?

How do I actually FEEL about last year?

Am I really READY for a new one?

No matter my readiness, IT IS HERE

And IT’S TIME to

Choose our WORD and choose our WAY

My WORD for 2016 was TRUST

While focusing on TRUST, I crossed paths with my 2017 WORD…my new WORD

What is it?

What is my WORD for 2017?

RELEASE

RELEASE may be my hardest word to live out yet

As you know, I like control…even if it is a false sense of control

RELEASE is hard

RELEASE goes against my internal wiring

RELEASE…full RELEASE…can actually feel quite scary at times

But, RELEASE is what I have been asked to do…so I WILL

RELEASE it ALL to HIM…nothing held back…HANDS and HEART OPEN

What is your WORD?

Our WORDS help define our WAY

WHERE are you going and HOW will you get there?

I accepted my invitation to the path of RELEASE

In seeking TRUE FREEDOM I believe this is the WAY…

RELEASE everything to Him…as best as I can…EVERY DAY

What is your WORD?

Our WORDS help define our WAY

WHERE are you going and HOW will you get there?

What will you CHOOSE?

 

© 2017 by Brooke F Sulahian

 

Can You Find Value in a Field of Rubble? December 16, 2016

Filed under: Hope — Brooke F. Sulahian @ 8:31 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

deb-blog-pic-2016

We tend, as an accomplished, well-educated society, to base our future prospects on merits of excellence and opportunity. Cultural and economic freedom have provided ample life outcomes, and we recognize that our future is directly tied to stewardship. In my view, the groundwork required for our culturally inspired potential was forged elsewhere. I believe the Lord, at one spectacular time in our history, anointed us with a gift, and at many times since has provided the grace necessary to sustain it.

In Angola, Nepal, and in the Democratic Republic of Congo, the Creator continues His redemptive work. He who speaks in a whisper holds a tiny seed of purpose intended for the broken community of women thought most unlikely to receive it. The God Who Sees is visiting the woman in Angola whose name we do not know, and His words to her are compassion and hope.

In the midst of pain and suffering, she has learned to recognize His voice by the steady consistency of a hand stayed on His purposes. His is the path that doesn’t sink, and as she learns to walk by faith, she gains confidence and strength. Through her journey, she has been given a sure foundation and an unshakeable, unstoppable vision for her future. She is to us a reminder of the undeniable strength and potential that God provides for those who love him.

She serves a God who speaks life from dust, who places treasure in jars of clay, and who carries His “Yes” in those who are despised and rejected. Confronted by hopelessness and impossibility, He has repeatedly revealed His power to make a way. The result that was prescribed for her is silenced by His faithfulness to personally see her through. The promises of God that find their “Yes” in Him continue in spite of her hardship, and He has appointed for her next steps.

As a Hope for Our Sisters Partner in Hope, I seek to find genuine inherent value among a field of rubble claiming to be. I weight this against prospective growth, and choose holders of time and resources based on the perception that I have on these characteristics. As a follower of Christ, I believe that these are spiritually discerned. I understand that only His mission will withstand fire; only His hand creates that which cannot be tainted by decay. I seek the investment that contains His whisper, for I have found that only in this will there be a return.

With Hope For Our Sisters, we venture into the rubble of cultural and economic oppression to find the beauty beneath the surface. We lift her up, and set her free, and turn her eyes to the future; her joy becomes our own. I use my own gift of freedom to plant God’s seed of redemption, for I know that it will grow. The Lord, at one spectacular time in her history, has determined to anoint her with this gift, and will continue to provide the grace necessary to sustain it.

“There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God. God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns.” Psalm 46:4-5

Written by a Hope for Our Sisters Partner in Hope