Have Your Way

Walking through a dark cave, more like a tunnel, for weeks…where is He leading me?

No answers along the way, but a strange sense of peace made residence in my heart

Thought I had left my family outside (trying to protect them?) yet I found them at the end

Knew God was behind this…I have been on similar journeys before

However, this one was different…

Before going in, a few months back, God told me that I would need to trust Him like never before

I would need to walk with Him in a new way…giving all of myself and all I have to Him

Had I not given Him everything before?

What was I holding back?

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you know that once you stand up to leave the place where you have been sitting, everything is going to be different?

That once you move from that very spot you can never go back to where you “were” before?

That is how I felt a few months ago…it took awhile for me to physically move, stand up and walk away from where I had sat with God that morning

What would trusting God in a new way mean for my family and me?

One answer to that was this recent journey…a slow, intentional journey

Not filled with fear, but lack of immediate answers to the questions running through my mind

Reading books that shook my core and challenged my faith

Never did I question God’s presence

However, I was forced to question my trust in Him

The questions He kept in front of me were:

Is my faith real?

Am I willing to get my hands dirty?

Am I willing to trust all I have and am to God?

The end of this journey came as suddenly as it began

Surprised to find that my family had been there with me all along

Had I really thought I could keep them out?

Had I actually wanted to protect them from God’s plan?

Doesn’t make any sense, but I had tried it

At one point along this journey I actually caught myself saying that I wanted to secure our children’s future

That there were some “roads” and “places” I was unwilling to go

Was I trying to be my own god and create my own plan?

As I approached the end of the tunnel, God told me that I needed to close the door

Just as He won’t wrench things from my hand that I refuse to give to Him, He was not going to shut the door

That was my doing

Again, hesitation…

Once closed I could not go back…

I love God and have been walking with Him for a long time

Why did I feel that if I really gave it all to Him the floor would fall out from beneath my feet?

I chose to leave with my family and God showed me something that was beautiful yet heart-breaking

My husband, 7 year-old son, 5 year-old daughter and I held hands

Jesus then took my husband’s hand and we left together

We were walking along a path God designed for us…. beautiful

What surprised me is howmy heart stung when I saw Jesus simultaneously take my daughter’s hand and lead her along a path of her own and do the same with my son and husband

I want them to walk with Him

But it stung because, for that to happen, I need to let go of what I treasure most…my family

God was reminding me that He has a plan for each of us…as a family and individuals

He was showing me that my plans pale in comparison to His

That I can have desires for my family, but I need to let God guide each of them for they are His

I prayed for my husband and kiddos very differently this morning

I sat where each of them sleep and asked God to walk with them, watch over them, and give them His courage, wisdom, and strength to live this day for Him

I prayedthat I would let God have His way in my life since nothing in my life is of my own doing…

Everything is from Him…My Lord, My Protector, My Healer, and My Guide

The three questions are still before me…answers will come in His time

God, Have Your Way this day…

© 2013 by Brooke F Sulahian